Santa Monica
by mumblybee
Summary: One day Roxas was skipping sadly down the street, sobbing hysterically. He did this every weekday morning and occasionally on weekends too when he wasn't busy making paper cranes and sobbing when they failed to take flight.  Fyi: This is PURE CRACK.
1. Stephen King

Once upon a time, deep in the heart of Twilight Town, there lived a beautiful fairy princess named Roxas. Only the thing was he was actually a really sulky teenage boy with severe memory issues caused by some kid sleeping in a pod or maybe the power of love or like, Cinderella's pumpkin carriage or some shit. And I feel like there were probably some magical ponies involved too.

Anyway, one day Roxas was skipping sadly down the street, sobbing hysterically as he was wont to do. He did this every single weekday morning and occasionally on the weekends too, when he wasn't busy making origami cranes and sobbing in the corner of his bedroom as one by one they failed to take flight. SUDDENLY a rabid crimson hedgehog descended from the clock tower as Roxas skipped past and tackled poor Roxie-Rox-Roxas to the ground!

"I FOUND YOU! YESSSSS," screamed the hedgehog, who turned out to be a person wearing a hedgehog as a wig or something, Roxas didn't really know or care because he was too busy trying not to suffocate.

"ASD FLAHAH GGHHSKLFJ!" yelled Roxas, extracting himself with some difficulty from the grips of the hedgehog-wearing freak, who grinned madly at him with bright green eyes, green like leprechauns, green like frogs, green like that one light that Gatsby was totally obsessed with all the time.

"ROXAS ROXAS ROXAS," said the green-eyed freak, patting Roxas on the head thrice. "I missed you."

"I MISS NO ONE," Roxas declared dramatically in order to assert his independence, leaping to his feet and planting his hands on his hips, face turned away toward the bitter and unforgiving winds which brought him whispers of other worlds and also the tantalizing smell of fried oreos at the boardwalk of the beach that didn't exist, you know, that beach that he could NEVER GO TO no matter how much he wanted to because it WASN'T EVEN THERE.

"Nahhhh you totally miss your ol' pal Axel," said the hedgehog-haired-dude. "We're BEST FRIENDS. I have proof!" He produced from thin air a stunningly beautiful portrait of Roxas and himself embracing, beneath which the words "AXEL AND ROXAS FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER" were written in spiralling cursive crayon.

"Well, in that case," said Roxas, "let's run away to Santa Monica and become street musicians!"

"Yes, exactly!" Axel agreed. He summoned a giant flying turtle named Stephen King and they hopped upon its back. "TO SANTA MONICA!" Axel commanded, and the turtle made a really weird hissing noise and rolled over onto its side, effectively ruining their travel plans.

So Roxas bought an irate looking camel off of the local camel dealer instead and they set off at a slogging pace for Santa Monica to begin their new lives.

THE END.


	2. Cats

One day Axel was a cat. It was a pretty weird scenario but he was used to that sort of thing so he just got up from bed and went about his day more or less the same. He pursued his normal activities, which consisted primarily of stalking Roxas and guzzling down obscene amounts of coffee and then stalking Roxas some more. In order to get the coffee he had to attack human beings and maul their faces and somehow manage to grab the coffee in his claws before they dropped it in their panic, which was pretty much what he did every day anyway, no biggie.

Anyway the stalking Roxas part was harder because usually Roxas was all, "Axel. Leave me the fuck alone." But this time he was all, "AAAHHH A CAT!" And then he bolted away and was lost in a crowd full of confused pedestrians. Oh yeah by the way they were in Santa Monica.

Unfortunately Roxas was terrified of cats due to a traumatic past incident which occurred when his mother bathed him in mustard one day by accident and then dropped him into a pit of mustard-loving tigers. By accident.

Then a turtle flew down out of the sky wielding many flamethrowers! It was a beautiful sight. Axel turned back into a person and Roxas stopped screaming, eventually. The end.


End file.
